Pubescent tide moths,
The idle constructs of distance
And amplitude of crossed paths.
Passionless, their blip of exist,
As it stems from a fuck
Not a kiss
Yet entitled are we to beauty,
Nuance,
Tho capable
To be born of threesoms
And fisting
Not simple conception.
An era of misdirection
Dead erections 'less
Eight+ writhing bodies
Find presence on th' screen;
Cameos indeed,
Of leather and masks–
Piss-sodden baths.
Still it's found in most intellects,
Even in naivete,
To distinguish a man from a moth,
Passion from necessity.
Hard to see from this plane
That they're one and the same.
How about a bit of self analysis on this one? I really like the extended metaphor and the imagery but I'd like to understand why you include the images you do...Also, the poetry competition that you were a part of last year is coming up again, and I was thinking you should submit your work, the ones that are school appropriate. I'll send you a link or give you a copy of the criteria next time I see you on campus.
ReplyDeleteI'll come through with some self analysis soon, but I would like some tips on what I can structurally and otherwise to streamline my poetry. Whether it be omitting superfluous phrases or using certain synonyms.
ReplyDeleteThe poetry competition is cool, but the criteria for acceptance is extremely broad and I really legitimately hated 90% of the poetry there. It's not a highly compelling environment for me, but I guess I'll submit again in hopes of cash money
The basic message of this piece is the age old human differentiation from the animal kingdom. It can be further broken down to a simple dynamic between want and need; the ability to want being an almost exclusively human trait. This pondering becomes most complex in the fifth stanzas and final couplet, after the heavy imagery, when I implicitly suggest that the ability to want is something that humans need as a species. Our affluence, our excess, and our materials define us in the big picture of human history equally as much as our experiences. In the case of people, I am making the case (keeping with my omnipresent theme of escapism) that peoples' need to want, on a psychological level, is similar in structure to an animal's need to reproduce on a biological one.
ReplyDeleteOn the imagery in stanzas three and four, it is a device used less in the mood of shock, and more so to imply that this social theory of mine can be applied to the extremes: sex addiction, drug addiction, primal small-brain pleasure etc... Also to further extend the metaphor in the structure that humans and animals are near and far in several respects. Actions such as pornographic sex are a solely human possibility, but can be described by an offended party as "animalistic". The imagery is basically exploring the profound dynamic there and the oxymoronic qualities of that particular statement: that humans are animalistic when they pursue the social deviant things that only humans are capable of. Thus, I use hyperbole to make statements about a squeamish social hierarchy, and to force the reader to normalize these images in the spirit of introspection. I use profanity and vernacular to emphasize the modernity of the setting, which is implied by the progressive structure of the entire piece - perhaps chiefly by the line "an era of misdirection" which opens stanza four and loops back to the aforementioned social critique.
In that way, the piece can almost be described as an exercise in audience response. The piece loses it's validity in the way it is perceived by the majority. You, for instance, wonder more about the origins of the imagery than anything else. It upsets you. It prevents you from finding the obvious profundity embedded within. You worry more about the psyche of the author than about the case made about the psyche of contemporary humans in general, or about the contrast made to the simplest of animals, a moth.
This too is intended. In losing validity to a wealth of people based solely on their inability to neutrally cope with the imagery, to bypass its upsetting nature, the piece gains an acting effect that supports its themes and philosophy. Thus, to the small minority that is capable of observing such an effect, the piece gains a great deal of profundity. I certainly think so.
I will print this out, so I can write suggestions, edits, and reactions on the actual piece. I will email you after I grade both analysis essays, this will be after you submit the Nabokov story. I will not work with you 4th quarter unless you write me a letter of apology for your recent tirade. I am your teacher, not your servant, and the blatant disrespect was not appreciated or appropriate. I am not getting paid extra to work with you, and your perspective is completely off. I have put much work and effort into your growth as a student. You have a bit of tunnel vision, trapped in your own perspective. That's typical of many your age, but the negativity you have provided to my life is not beneficial in any way shape or form. I only ever had the deepest concern, and regard for you and your education. I am sorry if I could not satisfy your seemingly unrealistic standards. It would behoove you in your writing in the future to consider your audience more often.
ReplyDelete